Christina Eldredge’s Story

Nolan was born on a Thursday morning. 

That morning forever changed my family’s lives in ways we could have never imagined. 

My name is Christina Eldredge, and I am Treasurer for Share Parents of Utah. I love that I get to give back to the group that gave us hope out of the dark times. 

We found out we were pregnant with Nolan Emerson, our second boy, in January of 2020. We were over the moon and Saturn. We had already gotten engaged and instead of waiting until 2021 like we had originally planned, we decided to run off with some family and friends to get married in Vegas in early March 2020. March 7^th to be exact. I was pregnant with sweet Nolan and my older sister was pregnant with her twin girls. Everything was beautiful and perfect. 

Then the world shut down. Covid 19 hit and everything locked down. At this point I was struggling not only with the fear of being sick while pregnant but also, I started having bleeding episodes. We found out I had a large blood clot in my uterus called a subchorionic hemorrhage. We were told that it happens, and it shouldn’t impact the pregnancy, and they’ll just watch it to make sure all was well. We held out hope that it was just a weird quirk and that we’d be fine. 

I have a medical history that includes congenital heart disease and because of that we were advised to get a fetal echo to check for abnormalities. We went to Primary’s for the testing. I cried looking over Salt Lake Valley because I feared that Nolan, our sweet Nolan, would inherit this scary lifelong complication. He was absolutely perfect. His heart was strong and didn’t have any defects to worry about. Our perfect little guy. 

The next month was a story out of a horror movie. 

I started having episodes daily and became very weak. We went to L&D every week in April. Every Thursday we would put on a mask and walk into L&D to be told to keep an eye on it. I was losing so much blood, but Nolan was still kicking. He would kick and punch so hard he would knock the monitor off. We joked that he was going to be a boxer one day. 

The Wednesday before he was born, I woke up with cramps, thinking it was just me being uncomfortable. I expected to have another episode, but I didn’t know when that would happen, so I went on with my day. I took the morning off of work to try to see if it would pass. It didn’t completely subside but got easier to deal with, so I logged into work. I was able to get through a few hours before I finally told my supervisor that I needed to go. 

We didn’t want to go to the hospital for a few hours and risked getting sick to be told to go home again. It felt like there wasn’t anything they could do for us. I decided to get in the tub and my husband rubbed my back for a bit. He had called my Dr earlier and they finally called back saying to go in to get checked out. That’s when everything changed. 

On the way to the hospital the cramps became stronger and stronger. I had no idea what was going on. We got to the hospital, and I couldn’t walk, it was unbearable. They wheeled us into one room, but the monitors didn’t work so they had to move us to another room. The nurse grabbed my arm and asked my husband if I was usually that pale. I was so weak and pale. They decided to give me an IV and some blood because they thought I had lost too much. My doctor later told my husband that if we had waited to come in that I would have died from blood loss. 

Then things got busy, and a lot of people came in very fast. An ultrasound tech found another blood clot. They told us he was going to be here soon. It was happening. They called for an anesthesiologist to do an epidural. 

We called my parents since they were here, my dad stayed with our older son while my mom came down to the hospital. They were so excited for a new grandson and our oldest was ecstatic to be a big brother. 

I had another cramp and told the nurse that something was happening. Something was happening. That something was Nolan arriving. He was born at 12:05 May 7^th, 2020. The anesthesiologist had just barely walked in. The nurses had surrounded me, and one kept telling me how I did great and it’s okay. She held my hand and kissed my forehead while holding me. I told my husband to be with Nolan. I’m okay, you need to be with him, take pictures, don’t leave him alone. 

He didn’t cry. Not once. 

They told us that he was going to the NICU and that we could come see him soon. While we were waiting my mom arrived and we talked about his name. We hadn’t completely decided on a first name. We knew Emerson was going to be his middle name because we wanted to keep the author theme alive, our eldest’s middle name is Wilde. We were caught between Nolan and Oliver. My husband and I decided that we would pick his name when we saw him, he would tell us his name. 

The nurse came back to help clean me up since we were going to see our baby! My Mom said she was going to run home for some sleep. It was 4am at this time. We’ve been up for almost 24 hours at this point. She was going to come back later with our oldest and my dad to visit us and Nolan. 

We were taken into the NICU, and the nurses asked us what his name was. My husband and I looked at him, looked at each other, and in unison said “Nolan Emerson Eldredge”. He told us his name. 

Then the Doctor came in. Nolan was born at 22 weeks and 6 days. His little lungs still needed to grow. They gave him some medication to help him get along, but it wasn’t working. Nolan’s blood was becoming acidic. It was obvious that he wasn’t going to survive. 

Nolan’s hand was so tiny. 10 perfect tiny fingers. His left foot was clubbed, his special foot. 10 little toes. He had a full head of hair, I bet it would be curly like his dad’s. He had my nose but his Dad’s eyebrows. How could I say goodbye to perfection? 

Nolan Emerson Eldredge went to sleep in my arms while my husband, Kenny held us. 

Nolan was 4 hours and 30 minutes old. Every moment of that 4 hours and 30 minutes all he felt was love and care. In that short period of time, he changed the world. 

We were taken to a room away from the rest of L&D so that we could grieve in as much peace as possible. We were graced with access to a Cuddle Cot so that we could keep Nolan in the room with us and spend time with him without worrying about him changing too fast. I held him every second possible. I held his hand while I slept next to him. So tiny, so perfect. 

Later that day we were blessed by the presence of Julie Card, a SPOU Hospital Companion at the time. Her grace and love filled the room and lifted our spirits. She told us about her son and her loss experience. When she did molds of his perfect hands, feet and face she did so with so much delicacy and care. She loves him as much as we do. I cannot articulate how much Julie did for us. 

Nolan went to the nursery for the final time on May 9^th. We got to spend 2 days with him. It’s not enough but I know others were only able to have hours. 

Due to Covid we did not have a typical memorial ceremony. We chose to have Nolan cremated so that we could have him with us always. When he was ready, we decided to have a coming home ceremony instead. 

Friends and family lined up at our cul-de-sac to witness his arrival. Neighbors stood in their lawns. My husband, our oldest, and myself stood in the drive and walkway. My parents went to pick up Nolan. When they came down our street they went slow and circled the cul-de-sac to our drive. My parents carried Nolan to my Husband. He then carried Nolan to our oldest son. Together they brought Nolan to me on the porch, and we held him there. As a family. Nolan was home forever. 

I had been going to school for accounting before we got pregnant with Nolan. I decided to take a break in April because everything was too much. I wasn’t ready to go back until the year after Nolan was born but I was able to finish and graduate in 2022. Julie reached out asking if I wanted to help SPOU with their accounting since we needed some help. I happily stepped in! I love accounting and why wouldn’t I want to give back to the group that gave us so much? 

I am so thankful for the opportunity to serve Share Parents of Utah. Share Parents has given me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.